My Story

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1955 to 2006
aged: 51
From: Wheathamstead

Always loved, Never forgotten
Mary Ann Puddy
21.04.55 - 22.10.06

In loving memory of Mary Ann Puddy who sadly lost her battle to cancer on 22nd October 2006 after just 6 months of diagnosis. She leaves behind a very loving husband, 2 very proud daughters (and their husbands) and 3 very adoring grand children. She has left a huge gap in all our lives and will forever be sadly missed - she was the most fantastic Mum, Wife and Grandma.


So may people want to know what happened but dont like to ask so I thought this might help...

Mum had a bad shoulder and sounded so down when I spoke to her during the day one Monday. I decided to go over as a surprise straight after work at 9pm with some flowers to cheer her up. Dad lead me up to see her and there was this tiny, pale little lady laying in a bed - she looked like a broken bird. She was in so much pain but was so thrilled to see me and burst into tears. Looking back, I guess in her heart of hearts she suspected what was wrong but Mum being Mum wanted to protect us all.

As it turned out, that pain in her shoulder wasn't a torn muscle as we all thought, it was a tumour on the outside of her lung which had caused one of her top ribs to break. Then came the shattering news that they could not remove the cancer but they could try and shrink it with treatment to prolong the time she had left. She had been handed this awful news - basically a death sentence and yet was very much still Mum. Still smiling, still working and still as positive as ever.

She must have been in agony for ages when I think about it but she never made a fuss. She went onto some morphine tablets for the pain and had a six session course of Radiotherapy over 3 weeks. Shortly after this ended I started to go along to the appointments to support both Mum and Dad and so I could inform everyone of the progress she was making, forever longing that I could maybe be the one to give them the best news ever - that she was getting better. But that day never came. The treatment didnt do anything and she had to give up work. By this point she had had several transfusions too.

We took her out to different places so she wasnt house bound (garden centres, the Cross Keys, The zoo etc) and I'm very proud to say that my boys first ever trip to the seaside was with their Grandma to Clacton-on-Sea.

I contacted all their friends I could and obviously all the family and tried my best to keep them informed so Mum and Dad could focus on with enjoying the time they had left together. As time went on the medication kept going up and her pain became more and more intense. The transfusions were happening about every other week at this point and the doctor told me it would only be so long they would do that for.

She had stated right from the off that she wanted to remain at home and didnt want to go into a hospital so we tried the best we could to respect her wishes. She was very touched by all her visitors and phone calls and loved having everyone around her at home.

Then I remember clearly, that day came. Things went from as bad as they were to 50 times worse as it all became too much for her little broken body. She was in and out of consiousness and could no longer eat or drink anything. Jenny called me to say she thought maybe I should be there - just in case. We moved in the next day with my Mother-in-Law so I had on hand baby sitters and Matts Gran kindly lent me her car so I could get about without worrying.

Mum made the decision herself to switch from the morphine tablets to surringe drivers. The MacMillan nurse explained to her that she would probably be a zombie if she did but she still wanted them - that alone says how much pain she was in. The following night I spent by her side so Dad to get some rest. It got to the point where I spent 2 hours with her propped up on my arm cause she was so uncomfortable - that was with enough morphine inside her to knock out a giant bull. It just wasnt fair, how can you possibly have that much medication pumped into your body and still be so uncomfortable and in pain? I decided what I should do and could hear in my head her saying to me "if I was an animal, I'd have been put down by now" and so made the decision that we should have her sedated. I called out the doctors and they agreed it was probably the kindest thing to do and by morning she was laying comfortably (I hope but will never know)

I asked the nurse for the absolute truth, no matter how brutal it was and she told me that she thought she'd probably not make it another 24 hours. I called all those I could think of who she would have wanted around her or who I knew wanted to be there. We had a string of people coming in through the next day saying their goodbyes and telling her how much they loved her. She would have been so happy they were there.

That night, Auntie Barbara, Jenny and I took it in turns to sit by her while Dad slept next to her. Jenny came to wake me when it was her turn about 2am as her breathing pattern had really changed. We sat by their bed chatting about old times while Dad and her slept next to each other. Then at 6am Dad got up to go to the loo. Jen and I were watching her still determined not to give up.

Dad came back and put his arm around her, stroked her face and was whispering in her ear, Jen and I were holding each other, tears rolling down our faces and we watched her slowly and peacefully fade away. Every breath she took was more and more shallow and then her mouth was twitching like she was trying to say goodbye. It was like a scene from a movie and one of the most romantic things I have ever seen. It was just the way she would have wanted it - at home in the arms of her loving husband and her daughters by her side holding her hand.

That moment will stay with me forever - 6:10am that medly of all those feelings...relief, love, anger, pride, loneliness and most of all, utter utter sadness.

I have to say they were the worst 4 days of my life but yet I wouldn't have changed being there for anything in the world. No one can explain what its like to watch someone you love so much go through so much suffering or how hard it is to sit and watch your Mum who should only be half way through her life die in front of you. I'm just so glad I was there and that I can say I honestly feel I did all I could to help her.

I will always love you Mum and the gap of you in our lives is enormous. I hope i'll always be able to do you proud and that we will meet up again one day so I'll finally get that hug I have been longing for.

Always loved and Never forgotten.

All my love, your proud little miracle
'Emma-Lou'
xxxxx

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